Dinky reviews “Castlevania Season 1”

Grab your vampire killer and storm the castle, it’s time to review the newest Netflix series, Castlevania
Based on the game series, it starts up with the backstory of legendary game Symphony of the Night with the intro of the doomed lovers of Dracula and Lisa. Lisa’s an aspiring doctor in the dark ages and learned old fangs himself holds the knowledge she seeks. Five minutes later, she’s already achieved her goals, got hitched to Drac, spawned with him and is currently being turned into fried chicken by the church.
Reasonably this upsets the master vampire and he swears unholy retribution on the entire country because nobody had to balls to stop Lisa from getting lit up like a joint. (psst: dude not every one in Wallachia knew her) But first! Dracula’s gotta charge up and get his demons in order before raiding the place. This gives his and Lisa’s spawn a chance to challenge dad, get wrecked, run off and use a HP potion to recover from the smackdown..excuse me run to his hidden place of residence under a city that is guarded by monsters and runs on steampunk tech.
And then there’s Trevor C (him drink) Belmont. Yes you read that right. Guy’s rude, claims to be rusty but managed to maim two priests, take on two archers, (I believe) three lancers, kills the bastard child of Medusa and Scott Summers, rescues a magic historian who is the future Mrs Belmont and manages every bit of this with a f-ing hangover. Who is rusty?!
In the end must admit I’m rather pissed. WTF Netflix, you can not seriously call 4 f–ing episodes that aren’t even 30 minutes long a season!! Most of your other stuff has 13 episodes a season. This? This is just a short ass movie. In short, if anyone desires to get a Castlevania fix, you won’t get it here. Four @#$%^&* episodes… Where the fuck is Season 2, it has at least 8!


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